What Was I Thinking?

No, this is not your fault. Yes this is my fault. You don't know. How dare someone just lead you on. Get inside of your mind and rewire your feelings. How dare someone do that. Why did you even speak to me? Why did you let a single sentence come out of your mouth, and place a blow on me? You left a print, and you decided to let it spread around my body. I'm tired of all the plagues that has been set. Then again I let it happen. I let down my guards and I let myself become weak and pathetic. I let myself think it could be. It was possible. Nothing is possible with a person like me. 18 fucking yrs and it still hasn't happened. I'm sick of feeling like its impossible. I'm sick of feeling like I'm nothing and I don't get anything. I placed myself in a position with religion...... I'm not a fan of religion.... I thought maybe if I could reach out to something that might be there.... I could get a chance. I could have something.. I need to give up on this stupid thing everyone raves about. Everyone has. Cause its not for me. I still haven't even got to try it on. I hate this... I hate this. I fucking hate this. My body is a prison..... My mind is a cave and I'm trying to climb out of it.